Top 5 tips from the dying on getting life’s priorities right
I love this time of year - looking forward to the Christmas break when the weather in Sydney is warm and sunny (hopefully) and I can take that pile of books that I have collected for my summer holiday reading into the garden and lazily read with a cup of tea and a piece of Christmas cake and no guilty feelings that I should be working.
I have already collected my selection of books, including a number from the Gratton Institute’s recommendations for the Prime Minister’s Summer Reading list – so I can keep up with what Malcolm is reading and hopefully stay one step ahead. That’s my excuse anyway. Here is a link to the list if you also want to keep up and enjoy some great reading.
Reading helps me take a step back and think about where the world and I are heading. And as we come up to Christmas and New Year I imagine a number of you are doing the same thing in your own way. It’s good to take some time out, reflect on the year past and think about the year ahead and how life is going. What is giving meaning to our lives and are we giving priority to the things that are most important to us and our well-being.
So I thought I would use this pre-Christmas article to share something to help your thinking. It comes from an interview with Bronnie Ware a number of years ago.
Bronnie is an Australian who spent many years as a palliative care nurse with dying patients in the last few weeks of their lives. She said that when her patients were asked about any regrets or things they would do differently in their lives, common themes emerged. From this experience she put together a book called The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying. Although it is about death, it is really about some lessons for living.
These particular regrets may reflect an older generation’s experience but their themes are relevant for us today. They are about courage, relationships, and being true to yourself.
So here is her list of the top 5 regrets of the dying:
I have already collected my selection of books, including a number from the Gratton Institute’s recommendations for the Prime Minister’s Summer Reading list – so I can keep up with what Malcolm is reading and hopefully stay one step ahead. That’s my excuse anyway. Here is a link to the list if you also want to keep up and enjoy some great reading.
Reading helps me take a step back and think about where the world and I are heading. And as we come up to Christmas and New Year I imagine a number of you are doing the same thing in your own way. It’s good to take some time out, reflect on the year past and think about the year ahead and how life is going. What is giving meaning to our lives and are we giving priority to the things that are most important to us and our well-being.
So I thought I would use this pre-Christmas article to share something to help your thinking. It comes from an interview with Bronnie Ware a number of years ago.
Bronnie is an Australian who spent many years as a palliative care nurse with dying patients in the last few weeks of their lives. She said that when her patients were asked about any regrets or things they would do differently in their lives, common themes emerged. From this experience she put together a book called The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying. Although it is about death, it is really about some lessons for living.
These particular regrets may reflect an older generation’s experience but their themes are relevant for us today. They are about courage, relationships, and being true to yourself.
So here is her list of the top 5 regrets of the dying:
To give you a little more on each of these, I thought I would share an interview with Bronnie that was published in the Australian edition of The Guardian in February 2012.
“1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."”
Life is unpredictable but the one certain thing for all of us is that it will end. Many of these regrets are things we can all do something about now while we still have the time.
Have a happy Christmas and New Year and may you live 2018 so you end up with fewer regrets.
Susan Kehoe
Consultant | Coach | Change Leader
Work with Susan
Susan provides management consultancy support, facilitation, coaching, change leadership and interim executive support to leaders and organisations where there is a need to challenge the status quo, engage people, shift culture and lift performance.